The ABCs of Pitt
By the time you’re in college, you’ve heard the ABC’s hundreds of times in your life but you’ve never heard it like this. Welcome to the ABC’s of Pitt.
A- Antoon’s vs. Sorrento’s: Even now just reading this, you’re already daydreaming of your favorite weekend destination. It’s an ongoing debate filled with more passion and researched, intelligent talking points than anything televised regarding the presidential election.
B- Bigelow Bash: The last chance of the school year to get hammered in the middle of the day for no other reason other than, “why not?” If there’s one thing Pitt does right, it’s free concerts. How else would we distract ourselves from the responsibilities we pay tuition for?
C- Cathy: The love of my life, the star of my Instagram. We all know how great she is. Friends from home don’t get why we’re so crazy about a building, but when your school looks like Hogwarts and you can see it from an airplane, you just have to brag about it.
D- Dab: The dance craze sweeping the nation, attracting celebrities like Hillary Clinton and Ellen Degeneres. I’m not kidding, look it up. The dorky dude in that frat you met once can do it better than they can. It’s just plain sad.
E- Escalators: You’d have better odds of winning a game of roulette than the odds of the Posvar escalators actually being functional when you need them.
F- Fifth Walk Sign is on to Cross Fifth: The droning voice gets stuck in your head and there’s no way to stop it. Apologies to the students in Nordenberg Hall and Amos Hall for hearing it in their sleep and as they procrastinate everything that’s due in the morning.
G- Greek Life: Less than 10% of the school, they occasionally wear shirts with symbols on them, and are somehow everywhere. They raise money for nationally known charities and then go and get hammered (if they’re 21, of course). But on the real, it’s a great supportive community that just really likes to dress up (themes, in particular) on the weekends and eat pizza on the floor once they get home.
H- Hell-oh, I mean Hillman Library: Where time seems to pass either like a Salvador Dali painting or flies like you’re having fun…except that you’re not. You sit down at a cubby in the late morning and then 10 minutes later it’s 9pm and the only thing you’ve eaten is coffee and some weird sushi from Cup and Chaucer that probably tasted kinda funky.
I- ID Card: When you need it most, it vanishes. So you go to Panther Central and buy a new one. You arrive home, new ID in hand, and what is on the floor peeking out from under your mini fridge but YOUR FIRST GODDAMN ID. The photo you took at Pitt Start smiles up at you, mocking your loss of $20 that could have been spent on alcohol.
J- Jamie Dixon: Everyone’s favorite basketball coach in charge of the one thing that makes people care about Pitt sometimes (Side note: also looks like he was a used car salesman in another life).
K- Kayak Pittsburgh: Just a short bus ride away to Downtown or the North Side, you can actually kayak in the Monongahela and Allegheny rivers with the best views of the city. Most of our time here is spent in the frigid winter, but before next fall semester starts I know how I’m spending my weekends.
L- Log Cabin: Next to the Cathedral. That’s pretty much all know. A Pathfinder probably told you about it once, but who the hell really knows why it’s there?
M- Market Central: First semester of freshman year you probably had 50 swipes left over. Now as a senior, you wait outside of Ophelia’s pearly white gates to be swiped in by that very same freshman you were so long ago. Whether you think the maggot was planted or not, you probably still eat there anyway because of the opportunity for unlimited bananas and grilled cheese.
N- Nordenberg Hall: Brand spanking new. Living there was the bomb. Especially because Mark A. Nordenberg, it’s namesake, has a portrait in the lobby in a weird robe that, if you look at too long, you’ll feel him staring into your soul.
O- O Fries: A glorious combination of potatoes, oil, and if you’re feeling adventurous and willing to spend, cheese sauce. Most often considered a late night delicacy, for some reason you’ve noticed that there are always middle-aged people in there for lunch…because apparently The O sells things other than fries?
P- Pamela’s: The only place I’d wait an hour to get breakfast while trying to piece together the night before. The name of “The Morning After Special” proves that they really know their customers.
Q- Quick Zone: Not gonna lie, I’ve never been to Quick Zone up the hill…except in a desperate and unsuccessful attempt to find a chaser. Sometimes my roommate who’s a senior refers to Market-to-Go as Quick Zone but the rest of us youngins (sophomores) always forget and look at her funny.
R- Roc the Panther: I bet it’s fun being stuck in a giant animal suit in 90 degree weather, but a pretty nice insulator when its freezing. Whatever the weather, Roc is always ready to go, regardless of how terribly the game is probably going.
S- Sweet Caroline: You never know how drunk you really are until you try to sing along to this Pitt classic. Nothing beats seeing yourself on the jumbotron getting pushed over by an overly zealous friend showing their #PittPride (yes, unfortunately this is a true story).
T- Ten A: There seems to be three lined up whenever you try to cross Bigelow in the middle cross walk without getting hit by a car, but never there when you’re trying to get to Upper Campus and it’s 10 degrees outside.
U- Upper Campus: Speaking of upper campus, this part of Oakland isn’t for the faint of heart — the journey up itself is rigorous, and requires some level of bravery to knock on a frat’s door trying to get in after midnight. Residents of Upper Campus, we salute you.
V- Victoria Hall: Props to the nursing students that have to be at that building every day because that walk might be even worse than Cardiac Hill. Although I did have a stray statistics recitation there, it’s a pretty exclusive club.
W- William Pitt Union: What the hell isn’t in this building? Almost anything a student could want; a gym, ballroom, a staircase to nowhere, and a Taco Bell. Life is good in the WPU.
X- The 28X aka the “Airport Flyer”: The Pittsburgh Port Authority is lying to us all. This bus does anything but fly, taking at least an hour to get to the airport. And on a holiday weekend? Forget about a seat, let alone a place to put your luggage. You’re better off splitting a cab with the random kid on your floor.
Y- Yik Yak: If you don’t feel like getting out of bed, you really don’t need to because any of the happenings on campus will be (inaccurately) recorded here. Beware late nights and especially weekends because the thirst is too real.
Z- Zoo: Anyone besides a Pitt student would think of a place with animals and probably some screaming kids, and they’d be thinking about the one right here in Oakland without even knowing it. We have cutouts of faces, a squirrel, and a lot of loud rowdy students because sometimes we’re actually good at sports.