Things People Do In Hillman
There comes a point in every semester when every student is faced with a goliath opponent: midterms. Hillman during midterms season is a scary place. But some of the happenings there will eventually seem normal once you’ve spent enough hours trapped, and once the coffee and delirium take over.
Eating some sort of ambiguous ethnic food you can smell from three tables away: Come on guys, we all eat in the library (despite the million signs forbidding it) but if the stench of your food can escape your personal bubble, take it elsewhere. Sincerely, everyone that can already smell your unwashed hair and probable B.O. from your study marathon that don’t need your food added to the perfume of sadness that permeates the library.
Getting glared at by a srat star on the first floor that got stuck holding the table while her friends get food: I’m going to be really honest here. If you end up on the receiving end of a stare-down, just ignore it. There is a 99% chance that that poor girl stuck waiting is not only hangry, but also suffers from a chronic case of Resting Bitch Face. She probably didn’t realize you were walking past and just needed to stop staring at but not really processing the words on the 78th page of her gen-ed textbook that she’s read tonight.
Watching Netflix at a table with an outlet: You’re the worst. I get that everybody needs a study break, but when that study break involves watching six hours of The X Files, just go home. Do yourself a favor and stop pretending that you’ll get right back to studying after just one more episode. Let somebody else use the outlet since there’s a ridiculously small number of them.
Promoting a Satanic Cult: Believe it or not, but this is something I have personally witnessed more than once. I even got a pamphlet. A few guys dressed like the grim reaper marched through the first floor and handed them out while yelling out something or other (I wasn’t listening, I was too busy trying to open Snapchat quickly enough to put it on my Story). But to be perfectly honest, the pamphlet preached tolerance and the sharing of ideas in a peaceful way, so maybe Satan isn’t so bad?
Canoodling, snogging, or any variation thereof: Don’t. Just don’t. Nobody wants to see it, and there’s not even a comfortable place to do it. Stacks are exposed to the cubbies, and that under-the-table something or other is not as sly as you think it is. Go sexile your roommate. He or she will be pissed, but believe me, its for the greater good.
Eating sushi from Cup and Chaucer: All of the sushi on campus is made in the same place, but the difference between getting it from the Cathy Café and Cup and Chaucer is that that library sushi is sitting out for approximately 8 times as long. It gets stocked in the morning, so if it’s for dinner, you better have a strong stomach or a table near the bathrooms.
Taking late night powernaps that turn into sleeping there: Beware, dear reader, of the danger zone. Sure, you’re committed to an all-nighter, but once the clock hits the single digits, you take your fate and caffeine intake into your own hands. Here’s to hoping that you wake up to your 3:45 am alarm and to your eventual Walk of Shame home from the library.
Good luck on midterms everyone, and may the curve be ever in your favor.