Top Five Places to Visit in Oaklandar
Do you ever find yourself in a parallel universe where nothing actually pertains to an ounce of reality? No? Okay! Perfect! In that case, here is a list of the places you absolutely MUST got when you visit Parallel Pittsburgh in Parallel Summer!
Davr and Andar Ice Creamr - THE top ice cream place in the entire kingdom of Oaklandar; this is the one and only place that can supply you with all of your parallel universe ice cream needs. Feeling a fix for some heroin? Don’t even worry about it, because the only drugs you need come from the dope parallel-universe waffle cones in this scenario! Highly recommend: the flavor Parallel-Peach-Nothing-Is-Real-I-Am-High-On-Acid Flavor! It’s a real winner amongst parents and kids alike!
! - I know this looks like an exclamation point. And guess what…it is! This is a made up coffee place in Oaklandar where you can get all of your caffeine (the only legal drug in the United States for now) for Free. That’s right! For FREE! Oh hahahaha! The joyous light of being Free! What a fabricated world!
Our pretend movie theater where we screen the latest and greatest releases including An Officer and a Gentleman featuring and starring Richard Gere. How famous!
7/11- This part is the only part not pulled from the imagination of the human brain. $2 for 2 Poland Spring waters? Sold!!! Or the beef jerky that is $0.99 less than the Jack Links brand? DOUBLE SOLD! Go to 7/11 for all your favorite deals and join us on July 11 the for National Free Slushy Day (both sponsored and not sponsored by 7/11).
Why do we even need fifth place here? The obvious answer lies within yourself. Now go fix everything you did wrong in this life. Why else would a parallel universe exist except for your selfish benefit? Repent!