Thoughts You Have When Your S.O. is Playing Pokémon Go
“I’m hungry.”
“I’m hungry, but like, not too hungry.“
“Hungry enough to maybe get a salad?”
“I’m bored, can ______(insert name here) get off their phone? Like I get virtual reality is better than real reality, but you can’t stay on your phone forever, silly!”
*laughs uncomfortably*
*scrolls through Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for five more hours*
“Wow, so this is what it’s like to go outside!”
“Also wow, my boyfriend/girlfriend/other is exercising for the fist time this year? That’s not okay, because what if they slim down and then gain the confidence I never let them have and then they think they can go and leave me?
I thought I had this relationship on lockdown for letting them play Pokémon in the first place? Thanks Michelle Obama, we all know you created this game because you’re still so desperate to solve America’s current crisis, obesity. And not that I believe in government conspiracy theories, but I definitely think the government is at fault for my failed relationship.”
*deletes Pinterest wedding boards*
“I’m starving.”
“Like starving, but not too starving.”
“Starving enough for maybe Chipotle?”
“I hope this game crashes and burns in a fiery wind tunnel in the depths of hell, or at least for like, an hour.“
“NOTICE ME!”
“I’m so into this Calvin Harris/T-Swift break up drama feat. Loki.”
“I can’t wait to play Calvin’s and Taylor’s break-up songs back-to-back like I did with Justin and Selena!”
“I want froyo.”
“I want froyo, but not too much froyo, you know?”
“Like froyo, but not sugar free kind. That’s gross.”
“NOTICE ME!!”
*deletes entire planned future on Pinterest, including: future homes and renovation plans, future children, and that Taco vs. Pizza throw down party you wanted to have for your S.O.’s b-day next year*
“Do you ever think that virtual realities are being created at an exceeding rate so we can escape the reality that is our life?”
“NOTICE ME!!!”
“Okay fine, I’ll f*****g download your stupid game. Let’s go catch some Zubats so we can start to evolve them.”