Male Olympians to the World: “I’m More Than Just a Hot Bod.”

I know what you’re thinking. “Wow, look at that oil that makes this hottie’s body look so soft and supple yet rock hard from years of dedication to a strict diet and fitness regiment in order to compete with the world’s most elite athletes.”

But the truth is, I use coconut oil to cover and caress myself, and I am more than just my body. I am a man, with a heart and a mind full of wisdom and wonder. Do I appreciate when men stop me on the street to whistle, and shout heinous words like, “I’d do things to you that objectify you and make you uncomfortable you piece of meat-like flesh”? No. It hurts. It hurts to know I am what they see on the outside, but not what they see on the inside.

So here is are some other Olympic dudes trying to say, “I am more than what meets your eye. I am my own eye and I own that eye.”

“I believe Suicide Squad was critically pandered more than it deserved to be.”

“I am the pedestal that binds me.”

“The games will set you free.” - A Philosopher

“Eat Fresh.” – Still Sponsored by Subway

“My abs are a time machine gilded in gold and the blood of my youth.”