Beauty Blog: I Washed my Face with Radioactive Waste for a Week and the Results Were Not What I Expe

I love Pinterest. I mean I LOVE LOVE LOVE Pinterest. It’s the reason I live off quirky crafts, coconut oil, and cheap life hacks that help me feel dead inside every morning when I wake up to check my board. So when I saw the latest viral beauty trend of washing your face with radioactive waste to take years off of my skin, I only thought, “How could I not?”

Although radioactive waste is in most nuclear reactors, I thought it would be best to both scrub my face with it, and put a little bit in my lotion for the added punch. Celebs everywhere like Dr. Oz have been talking about it for weeks now, saying it has added benefits like, “nourishing your skin,” “boosting collagen production,” and in some cases, “turning you into a mutant.”

Here is my journey.

Pre-Radioactive Waste

Before the beginning of my lofty journey, my skin definitely could use help. I had been struggling with acne since puberty, and was always insecure about my slightly visible mustache I waxed regularly.

Day 1:

It definitely burned. Beauty is pain, and pain is beauty.

Day 2:

I can already feel a glow in my skin! Now that my face has slowly started to peel off, it’s starting to feel supple and smooth like a baby’s bottom. I could really feel it dry out my t-zone, and take all the skin with it.

Day 3:

I have to admit, I was a little bit scared to try this trend, but Dr. Oz was right. Half of my face already burned off, and we’re not even half-way through. My pores feel AH-MAZ-ING.

Day 4:

Another day, another toxic cleanse. My breakouts are gone, and so is my nose!

Day 5:

I really feel like I’m starting to understand what it must be like to live in the center of a nuclear power plant. I was hoping I would turn into a superhero, but that might only happen if I start bathing in this stuff every day (which may be pin-spiration for my next blog post! Stay tuned!)

Day 6:

Just one more day to go, and I cannot wait to show everyone my final look. “Will they even recognize me?” I keep asking myself. My skin is gone! Best part is, I don’t even need to wear make-up anymore! I’m au-natural!

Day 7:

Here it is, the final look! I really loved this beauty treatment, and would recommend it to anyone looking to up their beauty regime in a simple way. After one week, my skin felt notably smoother once nothing was left except for my skeleton. Everywhere I go people keep stopping me on the street to tell me how good I look. I’m now currently in the process of getting an agent to become a model. This has been the best experience of my life. Thanks Pinterest for making me look and feel dead on the inside, and now the outside!

Pro-tip: Be careful not to get this in your eyes in case you want to lose your eyes, or worse, get laser x-ray vision.