What to Do When Your Roommate’s Ex Keeps Beggin’ You for “The Sex”

Hello, it’s me! Your favorite advice columnist, Dana. Have you ever stepped back from a situation and gone, “What in the actual f*ck is happening right now?” Ha ha, I thought so. No fear, we’ve all been there and I’m here to tell you that everything is going to be okay.

It’s your sophomore year and the inevitable has happened: your roomate’s ex is beggin’ you for the sex. What to do, what to do.

Step 1: Wake up around 9 am, but sleep in for 10ish minutes. Get ready for the day as per usual. Take the 71C from Atwood to Bigelow because you love yourself. Attend all of your Tuesday classes as per usual.

Step 2: Order Thai food for lunch. Remember: you love yourself. If you are feeling risky, you can tell them to make the shrimp soup extra spicy.

Step 3: Go to the library with your best friend. Instead of doing homework for the first hour, take funny Snapchat videos and talk shit on your other friends. It’s very important that you are loud and annoying so the people sitting around you can’t concentrate on their work.

Step 4: Finish your homework. Don’t forget—your career will never wake up one day and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore!

Step 5: Literally continue living your life as if nothing has changed. Do not sleep with your roommate’s ex. Tell him you’ll all have a threesome for shits and gigs, but don’t follow through with anything. Your mother didn’t carry you around for 9 months for you to pop out as a lil’ backstabber. *mic drop*