Predicting Headlines II
Ever want a glimpse into the future? Our staff writer, Matt Maielli, does just that with his futuristic abilities. Will these headlines come to fruition? Time will only tell.
Well, I didn’t do so well the last time I tried this. I didn’t even predict a Cubs win. But, I have figured out why -- I didn’t lean into the crazy! Well you don’t have to worry about that this time around, because I’m throwing away the rule book. I may never be the same again. I don’t control what I see, so if this news seems heavily focused on politics, don’t be surprised and don’t send me letters. Now, let me just grab my future-seeing goggles, turn the insanity settings up to 11, and here we gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
Historic Moment -- Trump the First President in History to Keep Porno Magazines in the Oval Office
STUDY: Drinking 10 Glasses of Red Wine A Day Can Help Prevent Heart Disease And Makes You Really Popular, As Well As Could Maybe Raise Your Annual Income
More photos of Trump Eating Fast Food Even Though He Lives in the F*****g White House
Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Reportedly Forced to Wear A French Maid Outfit Whenever He Visits the White House
STUDY: That Earlier Study About Red Wine Was Totally False
The Trump Administration Has Turned the Entire White House Into A Gift Shop -- The Lincoln Bed is Starting at $1M
Trump Senior Adviser Kellyanne Conway Has Already Weaponized The Phrase “Fake News” and Recently Graced Us With “Alternative Facts,” Here’s A Few Others She’ll Probably Try Out:
-Diet Truth
-80% Correct
-Watered-Down Facts
-Truth Chaser
-Incorrectly Exact
-Unknown Known
-Artisan Bullshit
BREAKING: Researchers Who Conducted Initial Red Wine Study Sentenced to Prison, But It’s Like One of Those Fancy Prisons For Rich People Where They Play Tennis, So, Ugh, Whatever
Hill Republicans: ‘If You Look At It A Certain Way, The Constitution Actually Doesn’t Apply To The President.’